Determining whether or not your relationship is worth saving and therefore justifying any effort to win back your ex, can be one of the hardest things you will ever do. Particularly, if you have been married a long time and/or have children together. Only few people want to be alone and choosing to end and walk away from a serious relationship can feel like walking into a dark tunnel, not knowing how long it is or where it will take you.
However, far too many people stay in unhealthy or even abusive relationships because to them, the alternative – for example being alone – seems much worse.
So, this will leave us with the question “how do you decide?” Following are several situations in which you should seriously consider ending your relationship as well as abandoning any thoughts about how to win back your ex. While many relationships absolutely are worth saving, there are some things that are red flags or non negotiable. Painful as it may be, staying may be much worse.
1. Your partner has cheated on you multiple times or is involved in an affair and refuses to end it. Infidelity is destructive to any relationship. While it often happens because the needs of the unfaithful partner are not getting met within the relationship, that does not justify cheating.
If your partner has been unfaithful and has no desire to change, or has gotten into multiple affairs, this is a pattern that is likely to persist. It is disrespectful to you, and could be potentially harmful to your physical health if he or she is not practicing safe sex.
2. Your partner is abusive in any way. Abuse of any kind should never be tolerated. Just like infidelity, abuse is disrespectful. It is also demeaning and often occurs in an attempt to control or shame you. Abuse can be physical, emotional or verbal. Each time you tolerate it, you give your partner the message that abuse is okay, and that you do not value yourself.
If your partner is abusive and unwilling to change or get professional help, this is not a relationship worth saving. It will most likely only continue and may get worse. Ultimately, it could cost you your life. Do not make excuses for your partner or feel that you are to blame.
3. Your partner has a serious addiction that is destroying your relationship. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with an addict. Sadly, many people stay with addicts and as a result, enable them. If your partner has an addiction and is unwilling to get treatment, this is a relationship from which you need to walk away. You may love your partner deeply, but you will always take a back seat to the substance or activity to which he or she is addicted. Always.
4. Your partner lies frequently. People who often lie or who are truly pathological liars are destructive relationship partners. Trust and honesty are crucial elements of a healthy relationship. Those can’t exist with a partner who lies all the time.
5. Your partner is frequently irresponsible or has a long history of being irresponsible. If your partner is irresponsible, you are going to either always pick up the slack or end up being pulled down with him or her. Mature adults are responsible. Staying in this type of relationship will never be happy or fulfilling.
6. Your partner often treats you with disrespect. Mutual respect is a vital component of a healthy relationship. If your partner often disrespects you, this is unlikely to change and will make you either resentful or wear down any self-esteem you have. Furthermore, treating someone with disrespect is very unloving behavior. If that is what you are getting from your partner, it is not love. Period. Do not try to convince yourself otherwise.
7. You fight constantly and are unable to resolve conflict. All couples fight at least once in a while. Whether it is yelling at each other or silent tension, it is still a form of fighting. However, if your fights are frequent, severe, and/or nothing ever gets resolved, then you really should consider ending this relationship. Fighting all the time is unhealthy and will physically and emotionally drain both of you over time. It can also seriously impact your health.
If any of these scenarios describes your relationship, then your relationship simply may not be worth saving. Even if you really love your partner, none of these bode well for your future and may even lead to serious or tragic consequences if you stay.
On the other hand, if none of these describe your relationship, and you have a reasonably stable, healthy partner but you are going through some difficult times, then your relationship is very likely worth saving. If you have no doubt in your mind that your relationship is worth saving, then don’t delay to win back your ex, and the magic of making up will happen again.