Get Your Ex Back – Stop Blaming Your Partner

Probably one of the most unhealthy habits that can appear in a relationship is definitely the blame game. People tend to blame others mainly because they feel insecure in themselves as well as in  their own abilities. Unfortunately, it occurs way too often.

It really is destructive and whenever the cycle is not quickly stopped it can make it very difficult to get your ex back, it can end up resulting in an unpleasant breakup or leading a couple straight for the divorce court.

It is not just you in case you find yourself usually blaming your partner for the problems in your relationship.

Although blaming is in no way helpful, it is also human nature to wish to assign responsibility for mistakes, problems, flaws, worries, etc. to another person than own it ourselves.

Don’t misunderstand me, there are definitely situations when your partner really messed up and created major problems in your relationship.

However, even in those scenarios pointing a finger of blame or making him or her accountable for your feelings or reaction is just not acceptable – regardless of how justified you feel, and would quite complicate to win your ex back.

Actually, you are responsible for how you feel, not your partner. Furthermore, you are also responsible to a much more significant degree for the way your partner treats you. At this point, just before you respond to that statement, allow me to explain it more deeply. We teach people, whether knowingly or not, how to treat us.

For instance, if you accept disrespect from your partner, you are “teaching” him or her that it is okay to treat you that way.

If you won’t tolerate it, he or she will either stop staying in a relationship with you, or perhaps your partner will continue and experience the consequences of you ending the relationship. I hope that makes sense?

Therefore, whenever you blame someone for your feelings, your mood, your anger (for example “You make me so angry!”), your unhappiness in this relationship, or the problems in your relationship, you are basically saying, “I am not responsible for any of these issues.”

To put it differently, you are playing the victim. And victims make lousy relationship partners.

And whenever you play the victim, your partner will have a difficult time respecting you. Unfortunately, that will just make the cycle even worse.

Blame is defeating for both of you. It creates a rift and makes good communication difficult. Have you ever attempted to have a productive or meaningful conversation with someone who was blaming you for something? That is the way your partner likely feels with you. If he or she withdraws or puts up walls in response, you simply have yourself to blame.

Blaming can also make you sound holier-than-thou. You are giving the message that you are without any fault or above reproach. Any relationship expert will explain to you that when there are issues, the two of you have some responsibility in order to win your partner back.

Also, blaming takes only into consideration your feelings, wants or needs. In a relationship, it is never just about you.

Situations involve both of you, and you must step back and consider your partner’s feelings, desires and needs as well. If you do not, you are being very selfish, and it would be quite difficult to get your ex back.

Blame also suggests that it is your partner’s responsibility to fix no matter what the problem is. Healthy relationships do not work like this. When problems happen you need to work on them together.

Next time you’re feeling the urge to blame your partner, consider what part you may have played in the situation. What could you have done differently? What could you do now to make things better?

And finally, put yourself in your partner’s shoes. How would you feel if he or she was continually blaming you for everything?

Blame can easily develop into a habit. If it has become one for you, take a moment and think about what it is that you get out of blaming your partner?

Exactly what is the payoff? There is one or you probably would not do it.

If you do not wish to destroy your relationship, make sure to stop when you find yourself pointing the finger of blame at your partner. Ask your partner to call you on it, gently but firmly, whenever you do play the blame game. Bear in mind that any habit can be broken.

However, you must make a conscientious decision to take action and also be prepared to do the work involved. Then the magic of making up will start to work, and you will be able to get your ex back successfully.